Ricky (: 00:00

When you feel low emotionally and physically, that is when you are most susceptible to believing things that you don't believe are true. Like you can do those things. I'm not saying you have to go and do crazy things like climb mountains or whatever, but you are capable as your beliefs will let you be. And so why not change that? Like why not instead of, yeah, but I couldn't do that. Says who?

Ricky (: 00:43

Welcome to the Unlocked podcast, Faye Cornhill. How are you? I'm really well, thank you. Thank you for having me. Pleasure. Yeah, finally, after boiler attempts to get that replaced and I lost my voice, I think it was on the other time, wasn't it? I had no voice, couldn't do the recording. So we're finally here now after years of talking about this. So this is an absolute pleasure, Faye. There'll be a lot of listeners that listen to my podcast that will recognise you. But for those who don't know who you are, Faye, tell us who are you? Do you know what? When people introduce themselves as

really slick, like one -liner, I think, they've got it down. So for anyone listening, I don't have that down. So prepare for the waffle. I am a business coach. So I help people grow and scale their businesses. A very, very quick potted history is that 15 years ago, I started my first business, which was my wedding photography business. I just plucked the idea.

literally out of thin air and started a business and it kind of went quite well. It went really well in fact and that sort of unbeknown to me grew into something that enabled me to help and support other people to do the same. I now run four different businesses all kind of with roots in the wedding industry. I am

mum to two teenagers, can't believe that. Where did the time go? I live in the countryside, I have two dogs and I quite like watching films and chilling on my sofa. That's nice, that's nice, that's not waffle at all, that's lovely. Yeah, that's very good. Well, I'll you, I'm really interested to get you on here because for a multiple of reasons really. Obviously we've known each other for about four years now, I think, through the wedding business club and through...

Online shows, remember those days? Wow. When we were in lockdown, they were good. That was good that and obviously the BBC as well. So one of the things that I'm really eager to talk about is your journey. And particularly on this podcast, we talked to like amazing individuals of how they've got to where they've got to start to unlock that or unpick that and understand what it takes for someone to get to just extraordinary, awesome things. And I'm genuinely intrigued about your journey, because I think it will be a similar pathway to me one day. You know, some of the thoughts and feelings that I'm having right now about

Ricky (: 03:01

children and how that can massively throw off your plans and your dreams, but also still in, you know, we still got to keep it on track. Right. So I'm genuinely really interested about this. Go back to early days. You obviously have had a wonderful career through you can us a little bit about, you know, obviously full time employment and obviously creating a bit. So let's talk a little bit about your story from being young. Was it a dream or did you aspire to go into photography? Never photography. No, I was.

I always, always had this feeling that I would have my own business. And I don't really know where that came from because I don't come from a family of entrepreneurs. know, a lot of people say, I learned what I know from my dad or from my mom or from my grandma, but actually nobody in my family was self -employed. In fact, quite the opposite, I would say. I come from an upbringing of actually really hardworking people.

all who worked hard for somebody else. And I think that is inspirational in itself. My dad worked for his whole life for Clark Shoes. My dad was an engineer. He was also a part -time fireman. And he worked, yeah, making the tools that make shoes that are on our school kids' feet. And he worked for them for years. And I have to say, I think I found that in equal parts.

inspirational, like someone can stick doing the same thing for that long. And also inspirational not to actually repeat that because I get bored really easily and the idea of going to the same place of work every day. mean, my dad would have started there, I guess when he was like 16 when he left school and left at retirement age, the thought of that kills me actually. I don't think I've thought what it takes to do that.

So I wasn't, I haven't been brought up to run businesses in my sleep, but I was always really curious about the idea. I remember as a kid, I would sell stuff in the playground, like not bad stuff. I went to a nice little village primary. Dodgy DVDs and stuff like that and videos. actually the first thing I ever sold was headed letter paper. And so we bought a computer.

Ricky (: 05:25

which was a big, big deal for our family. I mean, it couldn't do anything apart from like write a document and print it. And even that was quite bad. And it had clip art. And I would sell to my friends, like, do you want a dolphin or would you like a butterfly? And I would write their name and I would print them letterhead. And then they could write their thank you letters for their Christmas gifts on fancy letterhead paper. And so I made some cash from that, which was fun because...

You know, I didn't pay for the ink or paper. Nice. was good. was good. overheads then. I've always been deeply curious about making money. And I don't think it comes from a place of materialism. I've honestly never really been materialistic. I wasn't as a kid. I'm not now. I say I'm less now than I ever have been. But I just thought it was a really fun game.

thought it was really fun. you know, what I grew up in a, in a West country, like very normal place to grow up, a very normal upbringing where people worked hard for their money and you went on your week holiday in the summer. And I always found that really interesting, like how life works and how money works. Interesting. I'm quite particularly interested in this, like, cause again, similar thing, you know, I mean, one of my earliest business.

ventures was to give Christmas cards to all my paper round, know, come up with the idea of my brother of like, you know, if we like, you know, really give a great customer experience, good service, you know, we're nice with friendly people, you know, and we give them all little Christmas cards, we'd have this little competition where we get who get the most tips, you know, and being very young, you know, it's a great little venture, right. But I'm always intrigued to understand like, where does this come from? You've mentioned that there was no one in your family that bone, you know, even the same with me, you know, no one.

I don't even have anyone I think in the couple of generations who kind of create their own business. I'm the first person that creates my business. So it's interesting. Do you think that a lot of that is because of the conditions of the environment that we're part of? Was there any friends or family members, not close family members that might have influenced you with that? Or do you think it was just something you were born with? I think I learned very quickly that I could influence people by what I said. And so very early on I was at drama school.

Ricky (: 07:47

I was in plays and shows and at Christmas I'd be embarrassingly standing up and singing for the family. so at the same time as being really curious about money and business, I learned that I could influence people by what I said and what I did. My school reports all say like, it's very hard to be cross with Faye because she kind of makes me laugh. And I learned, I knew I was really aware of that.

I could get myself into a hole as quickly as I could get myself out of the hole. And so I think it was almost like being rewarded for that particular skill that I was honing as a child. Like, you know, the saying, the gift of the gab, that's what my grandparents and my parents would have said about me at a young age. And I just, I just enjoy conversations. I enjoy speaking to people. You know, I worked in...

corporate world for long enough to know that I didn't want to work in it any longer. But I still got that rush and that thrill of like, I've worked really hard for this relationship. This person is on my side. And what I say to them now will dictate the result in my paycheck. And like it or not, that's how it works. And it worked in my favor most of the time.

It's like you were very early on then learning the art of rapport and getting people to feel connected with you, which is obviously, I mean, from where you are right now, right? You've got this massive following. You've got this massive community which people feel connected. And I felt that before, you know, when we've had conversation before, there's something that's magnetic, you like you feel, I feel like Faye's known me for a long time, but actually it's the first or second conversation we've had. So yeah, so that's really good then. So that's great. So that's just come out of then from being young.

So obviously life gets in the way, right? So I know that obviously you then obviously go into A levels, I believe. Yeah. So studied my A levels in my hometown, still living at home and really loved that. You know, I did drama A level, but I also did psychology A level and that was really, I felt like I, it sort of solidified what I'd started to believe about humans and interaction and how we.

Ricky (: 10:08

deal with each other. And I found that really interesting. And of course, at the same time as, you know, being on a stage and, you know, anything from Shakespeare to like street comedy. So all of those things sort of came together for me. And I really enjoyed that period of my life, actually. I enjoyed studying for my A levels. I had that sense of, you know, I'm going to be the first in my family to go to university, which I always knew that I wanted to do.

And I went off and I studied cultural and media studies because I wanted to make documentaries. That's what I wanted to do. I decided at that stage, I don't want to be on the stage just too much for me, but I really want to be a documentary maker. And that's what I'd studied for basically three years at university and had the best time. Brilliant, So curious then here. So obviously from an early age here, you've got this wonderful desire to make money.

really interested in this. You got this entrepreneurial skills or these entrepreneurial DNA genes, whatever you want to call it, right? Which is not coming from family, right? It's just there, right? And then you go into a career where I guess is not entrepreneurial, but you're going to move up the ladder and you go quite high up in this corporate role. You then obviously go through this period where you're then going to go, you obviously have children and then something changes along that way where you then obviously start to then create your own business again. So tell me a little bit about this period between where

You're in a corporate job, which we've all been there. I know we've had the same similar experience. Tell me about your experience of this corporate environment and then what led you to then eventually creating going off going, hey, you know what? I don't want to this anymore. I want to be my own boss. I want to create my own business. Tell me about that. Well, I knew from day one that the corporate dream as it were was my second choice. I graduated from university and I got offered

my dream job at the BBC, like, my gosh, this is the one, like, amazing, this is gonna be great. But the money was appalling. The money did not cover the train ticket to get into London. And I had to make this really horrible, difficult decision where I felt basically I'm giving up on this thing that I want to do because I'm ambitious and I don't want to live like a pauper at.

Ricky (: 12:28

to say that I got the dream job. And the two things were just not going together for me. So I had to say no to the job, the 11 grand offer. My train ticket context would have been 12 grand. Great. And so I took the first job that came my way, which was a sales job. I worked for a Japanese tech company. I don't speak Japanese. And yeah, took this.

highly technical sales job, the only woman at the time that worked there. And I just remember this like, okay, well, this is it then, isn't it? Because I've done my little fun thing of like dreaming of doing fun stuff and like making documentaries. But now like, this is where I have to make the money and I want to make the money. And it was a great offer. It was a great, great salary, brilliant career prospects. And I thought, well, you know, this is just how it goes.

And that is how it went for a bit. like, I can't say that I hated it. You you hear these stories of people hating their corporate job or hating the career that they chose. I really didn't. I didn't. It taught me so much about running a business, dealing with people, dealing with people that you really don't like or want to work with, dealing with sexism in the workplace, especially in that first role.

And for a while I just sort of kind of went through the corporate mill as it were. The point where everything changed was when I had Harry. So Harry's 15 now. And I remember distinctly the Sunday before having to go back on the Monday, so he was nine months old, I'd taken my nine months statutory maternity pay.

And at the time we lived in a town called Amersham, near where I live now. And we walked, me, my husband Phil and Harry walked to the park and Harry was in the swing, not Phil. And I had to drive to Telford that night for a meeting the next morning. And I just remember standing there like sobbing, pushing Harry on the swing, thinking, this doesn't feel like it was supposed to feel and it's all.

Ricky (: 14:52

things have all gone a bit crossed here and I don't know if I'm doing what I really want to do. Have I given up on my dreams? And it was just all a bit messy in my head and that was the catalyst, that moment that I realized I've got to change something because this is going to be very easy just to stay in this thing. And of course, it's not very easy to then decide to start your own business when you've just had a baby. So, forget the timing and all.

But that was the moment. it really was nothing terrible had happened. And I didn't hate the job. just had that. It was like the dawning of the realization of it's going to be a long time for me to do this until retirement age. I'm not up for that. Interesting that a lot of people I've been there, you know, that that moment of like, this would be very easy for me to just carry on being unfulfilled.

Not happy, crying, miserable. And there are so many people probably out there listening that, you know, who are in this corporate job right now, they're stuck and they want to do other things. They may not know what that might be. That's particularly interesting that you're the courage there to then go decide to do that. Where did that come from? You because it would be very easy, as you said, to just carry on. Right. And be unhappy. Right. But where was that always there? Do you think think it was brewing away in the background because of your

early entrepreneurial spirit and like Harry was like, Hey, you know what, this is probably the spark that I don't want this anymore. I think yes, in answer to the question of did it come from your like early thoughts and experiences? Yes, definitely. I'm really lucky that I have a husband who backs me 100%. So and I know not everybody has that and I know that how fortunate I am.

But every time I have an idea, and this was the beginning of this sort of stage where I'd phone Phil from the car on my sales visits to my customers and be like, I've got this idea. And he would always say, yeah, I entirely believe that you can do that. There was, I don't think there was ever a conversation where he would say, don't, yeah, I think that's too risky or hang on a minute, you're supposed to be a mom now, so you better like.

Ricky (: 17:13

you know, own that role, there was always the answer always and always has been since, yeah, you can absolutely do that. And I have come up with some very crazy stuff and he's always gone, yeah, if anyone's gonna do it, it would be you. And I think having that voice, whether it's a friend, a partner, a parent, whoever, a business coach to say, believe that you can do that, I think is huge. And I think it's a huge...

block for a lot of people because if you don't, you you believe what you hear, you believe your internal voice, you believe the voices around you. If you surround yourself with people who are saying, totally believe that's possible for you, you believe it. And if you're surrounded by people who saying, hang on a minute. No, you're a mum now. Had you not better like step into that.

stereotypical role, maybe you should go part -time, maybe actually you should be spending your time with your baby because like these times are precious, blah, blah. You start to believe that narrative. And I'm not saying any of those are wrong. To find your truth, you have to be, you have to listen to the voices that are building you up, not keeping you small. So I think I would say that is a huge factor that I had support from my husband.

And I guess the icing on the cake is that I just, I'm not somebody who's going to follow suit. do, I do for a bit. And then I'm like, No, just because everyone else is saying that. I don't believe that. And I've always been a highly curious person. So if I can do something, my natural state, and this isn't always a good thing, but my natural state is to go, well, hang on a minute. If I've done that, what else could I do?

Yeah, it's kind of like the what ifs, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So interesting to them face. So I wasn't prepared for this, right? Because this is now we're going to go off on a bit of a tangent here, which I'm loving this. So totally get this right. Geez. So resonate with this. Holy right. There are things that I do in my business and multiple different strands. And I feel like that now. So I'm to go off on a bit of a waffle. I've not really prepared this myself. Right. So but I know there'll be people out there listening. Right. When you become a parent, it just knocks out right completely. Right.

Ricky (: 19:30

completely things are challenging, right? I'm going to be really useful with my language, right? That things could be, I could do a few more solutions in life, right? Rather than say it's really hard, right? They're really hard and tiring, especially when you're two and a half year old has sleep regression right now and is waking up at two in the morning and then four in the morning and then six in the morning. And you're like, I don't even know what day is anymore for you, right? But anyway, I felt that right. So it feels and hopefully I'm not going to like, you know, upset any parents or anything like that. But I felt like that where I can feel

like and I'm totally entrepreneurial right I've got these massive ideas you know sometimes I've got people like you know you know great same thing I've got a great you know wife who know reinforces what I do and sometimes I've got so many ideas right but I do feel as a parent I don't know if any parents feel like this out there and you probably felt that as well is that there's like this pole of like society going come over here Ricky come join this normality

And I've to really like go, you know, and you start questioning yourself because you think, is this right? You know, I feel this. And what I mean by that is that routine, you need routine, right? A chart, right? You've got to have things that happen like nursery and all the stuff like that. Now, I believe that life isn't dictated by social media society. What my parents have done, I believe we get to make a choice. Right. So in January, January is the blues. Right. God, you're so crap. Everyone moans by it.

I don't believe in that. I believe I get to make a choice, right? It's not dictated by the weather. It's not dictated by what's going on. I get to choose. So me and my wife and my at the time she was what two and three months old, two years and three months. We're like, let's go Europe. Let's just go on a train. Let's do something fun. Right. And everyone was like, don't do it, Ricky. Don't do it. It's just like a holiday in the UK. There's no point. You just be stressed out. No, no, no. I'm going to do it. And what I'm saying is that I was very fortunate to do that. Right. I appreciate that.

I do my business, I was allowed to do that and had some great time. But there just feels like this constant pulling back to be very easy for me to just give up everything to not do these things and just go into the parent mode and to do just day to day. I don't want to upset anyone listening, but it's the unfulfillment. And what I mean by this, I'm trying to explain this any sense. I have stood there even yesterday pushing Alma.

Ricky (: 21:54

on the swing and my mind is racing about these wonderful things I'm doing and you feel like sometimes like, it'd be very easy for me to just not think about these ideas and just go work in summer field or some of us existing. What is it? Gateways, you know, the old days, know, Tesco's and stuff like that. And it's hard. And I think that beliefs start changing when you become a parent. I'm very curious to hear like with particularly your beliefs, because that is hard. Right. It's hard having a nine month old.

It's hard having a two and a half year old to start continuing to do dreams and start continuing to run my business bigger and growing and scaling even further. There'll be people out there listening now who will have that. They're having a full time job, probably got a wedding business on the side and they've also got a child as well. And you're of like torn between. It's really difficult. So I don't know if that kind of resonates with anything, Faye. Yeah. Of what I kind of said there. Yeah. Yeah. And I think like your life is your own pick and mix, isn't it?

If you like a heavier dose of the pear drops, then put more pear drops in the bag. It really is as simple as that. There is That's a nice metaphor there, yeah. Yeah, there is so much. I don't think you can be inspirational to your kids if you are miserable and unfulfilled, right? So if your version of being fulfilled is

by waking up every day and being the absolute best stay at home parent that is possible. And you aspire to whatever you aspire to. And that leaves you with a sense of purpose and fulfillment then fricking go you like that is awesome. And if your version of being fulfilled and finding purpose is growing a business.

And part of that is being away from your kids or having to make allowances with the time that you spend your kids go you. Like, just can't see that the problem with either of those scenarios, like, because somebody on social media is saying like, and I listen, Ricky, I had friends and I've got a close friend who said to me,

Ricky (: 24:13

I just can't see the point of having children if all you're thinking about is growing your business. And that's a close friend, somebody who I love and I've grown up with. And yes, like a blade in the eyeball. But also, I'm not gonna get Monica's in a twist about that because that's her belief and she is entitled to that belief. And actually, she's an incredible mom who enjoyed like spending every moment with her kids. And that led her to lead leading a very fulfilled life. That's not for me.

And like, can't fake that. And hopefully one day when my kids are older and they will look back, hopefully they'll say, do you know what is really cool? Like what my mom did, she grew businesses, she made sacrifices because she believed that it was possible for her to do that. And her legacy is this. And I don't want that legacy to be like my trust fund.

My kids don't have trust funds, like, do you know what I mean? Hopefully the legacy is that my mum and my dad taught us that like, we can do crazy things and we don't have to listen to standards and norms and we can make that up for ourselves. I personally didn't have that, God, I became a parent and I lost my soul because I didn't allow that to happen. Like. Yeah.

You know, I actually find it really frustrating. And like people say it to me all the time. I'd love to be part of your like wedding. I'd love to come to your wedding business club event, but it's a two hour drive or like, I'd love to be with you, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay, well, you're making a choice there. Like you're making a choice to decide something is, is not for you. And that is fine if it's not for you, but like, don't, don't blame society for that. You are making a choice to think.

that something is too much. You're listening to the wrong people. You're spending your time with, you know, negative Nancies who are going to change the way you think and believe. And like, that's just not for me. Yeah, totally. so, so, yeah. I mean, you probably explained that a lot better way than I did. I was just going, wow, you're so right. Because because it's true. It's absolutely true. Right. know, and just let's just recap so I don't piss off everyone on this podcast. If that is something, as you've just said, their fate, that is people are out there that are very happy to be

Ricky (: 26:38

I'm absolutely salute you. salute what you do. You know, I'm not dissing anyone here. For those though, who are like we said, they who are those entrepreneurial spirits that want to grow stuff, but just feeling like, no, it's not going to happen for me. I ain't going to make that two hour drive because I've got kids. You make the choice to find what's going to work for you. You'll make it happen. Right. If you burn that boat, I think it's the old think and grow rich thing, isn't the burning desire. Burn your boat, right? Make a choice. So yeah. And this is so for me, a nice reminder for me because

Sometimes it is hard, right? You know, and I talked to other parents and I'm, God, it's quite clicky sometimes, parent groups that you're involved with, And you know, sometimes I have to the parent group. Get out of that WhatsApp ring now. Yeah, God, tell me that, right? And I've had to down myself down and I've stopped hanging with some of those people because it's like, no, no, I want to be authentically me, right? I want to be the best version of me. So I'm going to be me, right? And I'm going to talk about these great things that I want to do, right? And if that's not for you, that's cool.

But I'm not going to dial myself down for you. I want to expand. I want to do this. And I'm not going to let Alma, my daughter, be inhibiting of that. Right. But what is it? Just a constant thing you see is just that society dictates that, God, if you're going to have kids and stuff like that, then that's the way it is. And it's like, no, no, no, actually, this is the choice you're going to make, which is all about our beliefs. Right. Now, I know, Faye, that beliefs have been a massive thing for you in terms of, you know, growing this huge business. One thing I particularly love was a story that when you were

I think studying for your A levels and you were cleaning in offices and you used to look around and used to compare yourself to these people. I wonder what their lives are like. know, their kids growing up for cleaning as well for pocket money. And you have this wonderful thing in your book, which I should plug really. Here go. Just for anyone. If they want to, it's called I do I fake on here. I love this thing, which is I strongly believe that if you want to change the fruits, the fruits, you have to read that again because words came out. Here we go.

I strongly believe that if you want to change the fruits, you have to change the roots. Totally, totally believe that. So let's talk about this fate, right? Very aspirational figure. This huge things that you do. There will be people listening out there who are probably feeling stuck right now because of that. Maybe they're in the my situation. I've got a child, so feel like I'll maybe I've got to put the business on a back burner for a couple of years or something like that. Let's talk about beliefs because I know that I get to choose my beliefs and I'm going to carry this forward. I don't care. I do care. I've got a daughter.

Ricky (: 29:04

But she's going to part of that journey. Right. But for anyone out there, might think, yeah, I'd love to do all these things that you do fail, Ricky. Like, it just can't happen. That negative word can't. Right. Let's talk about some of your beliefs, what your beliefs are, how they've carried you forward and then the advice for anyone listening about how they can change from their beliefs. Where shall I start? Well, I guess here's a question for you. Yeah. Maybe we break it down to one. One.

make it really easy. What is the one belief or behavior that's positively impacted your life and brought you to where you are now? Everything is temporary. And that's the good. That's the good and the bad that you can't start with the good times then. So when things are going really well, it's the belief of everything is temporary is that we don't just shut up shop. everything's really good now. So we can stop trying. And I mean that from a relationship perspective.

I think that happens in marriages a lot. Well, we're married now, so let's just like, whatever, still got to try, still got to make effort, right? Same goes with business. Just because you have a good launch or you've got a good summer of bookings, you can't just like, well, I don't need to keep trying. Like, It's not Yeah, take your foot off the gas. Yeah. Coast, yeah. Exactly. And then when times are difficult, challenging, sad, whatever.

Like everything is temporary. The bad times don't last forever. And you know, there's that graphic, isn't there, with two people like digging for diamonds, right? And one person has just turned back just as they were about to reach the diamond and the other one keeps digging. Everything is temporary. Like bad stuff doesn't last forever. And difficult things don't last forever. You know, you've said it. If you rewind and listen back, you will hear yourself say,

It's hard. And actually, it's something you will never hear me say, it's hard, because it is just what it is. Like actually a situation, like has no emotional charge behind it until you put your emotional charge on it. Now, if you're stepping into a situation with it's hard or it's easy, probably you're going to be disappointed at some point. Whereas if you step into a situation with everything is temporary, just in a much more powerful place to then actually to be able to take action.

Ricky (: 31:26

either from a really bad place or a really positive place. And I just think it's much more realistic. It's really good to teach kids. Like, yeah, things are hard. Things are hard. Sometimes it's gonna be really hard. And I have to say, I have quite a hard line or we have quite a hard line on parenting. And honestly, Ricky, I totally get that you've given like 10 caveats because there's always someone to piss off, right? But actually, think it's important.

for children to grow up realizing that things can be really challenging. And some days you're really not going to want to go to school, but you're gonna go anyway because life is like that. You you don't go off and start a business for every day to be brilliant, do you? You don't go off and have the career of your dreams for every day to be brilliant. In fact, it would be very strange if that didn't happen. So yeah, you're gonna feel rubbish. Yeah, things are gonna be tough.

Yeah, you're going to feel sad, lonely, triggered, whatever it is, but you've got to learn to like suck it up and deal with it. And of course I'm not talking about huge complex issues where people genuinely need to go and seek help. That's a different podcast. That's a different conversation. I'm talking about the days where you just feel a bit crummy. First world problems this isn't it? It's like, God, my business deal didn't go ahead. Yeah. You get up and you get on with it.

I think there's a correlation between that attitude and like how you feel and how that translates in the working world, like sick days and your state of mind going into situations. There's not a magic potion. Like I'm all up for drinking the Kool -Aid, but there's not like a magic potion. It means that you're immune to things being tough. It's tough and I'm going to do it anyway. Yeah. Do know what? Jesus Christ, like

Faye, this has become like a counseling session for me, because I'm actually like just going, yeah, great. You're absolutely so right. Yeah, because I have been feeling the pinch right lately. Excuse my French, right? I'm going to swear. Do it. It has been, it's been fun. It's been interesting. That's the phrase I'm to go for, right? Because it is right. And I know people out there will be listening going, Ricky, you've got nothing mate. Two and a half. You wait till they're teenagers, right? Okay, cool. I hate that though, Ricky. I find that.

Ricky (: 33:53

not a good way to help and serve people is like, you wait till whatever, because like everyone is living what they're living in that moment. and listen, I didn't mean for you to be like, I'm not going to describe it as hard because some days it really is and you're like, this is really hard. That's not pulling my air out. Yeah. It's not a full sentence. it? No, that's right. Yes. Yeah. It's just something that happened in the day. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Yeah. And it's that thing again, isn't it? When people say you wait till you get a teenager. All right. Cool. I'll experience it myself. Cool. Yeah. I'm not going to be detained by what your version is. Right. Yeah, you're absolutely right. And I think this is it, isn't it? It's that whole it's okay to wallow in the mud. Right. We get it. Right. Life is hard. Life is running a business is very challenging. Right. But just not staying in that mud. And obviously, yeah, you know, you've got big, problems. Huge. You know, please seek important advice. But

When it's things like that, you know, that's OK. Right. Get in. Get on the sofa. Get your comfy. What do you need to do? And then get on with it. Right. There's something you've just reminded me of. Right. So we've mentioned this on your podcast about my law of attraction story. Got a painting in front of me. It's from the The Truman Show. Great ending that movie. Jim Carrey. You've seen the film? Of course. Yeah. Great. Brilliant film. Right. He's in this whole bubble. Right. Built of constructs by everyone else. He doesn't even know that he's everyone in his life is an actor. Right. Then.

Obviously at the end of the movie, he realized, my God, something's not right here. He starts cameras dropping, actors start rehearsing their lines. He's like, what's going on? He escapes, escapes in the boat and then on the water, he hits the side of the building and then there's the steps to the end. And then the voice of God comes on, says, Truman, don't go out there, right? The world's a scary place. You're safe. You're comfortable. And then he has his finishing line, which is like, if I don't see you, you hello, goodbye, tomorrow, whatever. Yeah. And he makes that ending.

And the painting I bought it in front of me, it's called exit. And it's a constant mind as I'm looking at you now, looking through the camera, I can see it. It's that choice. I can choose to stay in that bubble of this is hard. This is difficult. Or I can choose to go up those steps and actually exit. Right. And the phrase here that rings about, I discovered this recently by one of my like, I think mentors, I'd aspire to be Vin Yang. He's got this great phrase, which is this. Don't be so attached to who you are in the present.

Ricky (: 36:12

you don't give your future version of yourself a chance. Yeah. And that's so true, isn't it? Right? Yeah, it is. When we've got struggles out there, lack of sleep, sleep regression. You know, just want to sleep. That's all I want to do. That's rough. But it could be worse, right? Yeah, it could be worse. There is big shit going on in the world. It's about I think getting that that balance right, because you don't want to like gaslight yourself. Like that's the worst thing you want to do when you're like

knackered and yeah lack of sleep. my god Ricky. I sympathize hugely. I'm dreadful without sleep Yeah, nearly broke me when the kids were really little I think it's about being like this in a helpful way so not berating yourself for feeling rubbish or Having a difficult day and and and being able to acknowledge hang on a minute. This is utter dross I feel like dross. I am not doing anything useful for anybody

I am gonna pick myself up and Ricky, I've done this literally hundreds of times. The kids know if mommy has an appointment with the sofa, she means it. And I will literally, I'm on that sofa and I'm not going anywhere. It's not acknowledging your ability to do that or whatever your version of like making yourself a better and then saying, okay, well, that was a shit show. I will now choose to move on from that.

And now that's totally when you are of sound mind. So I appreciate not everybody has the ability to do that. And I'm not here to advise those people, but that's the difference. It's hard. Yeah. But I'm going to try a different way now. I've just found another way that didn't work. yeah, and life is tough, right? But so are you. Yeah. And every time somebody says like, what did you do different? I say time and time again.

I did the things that other people were not willing to do and that's it. There is no secret sauce, magic wand, any of that. I did the stuff that other people were not willing to do. sometimes the things I did, I look back and I wouldn't advocate for that. I'm not sat in the WBC teaching people to do some of the stuff. I was working and this isn't like a humble brag. This is just the reality of what it took. I'd be working.

Ricky (: 38:38

five days a week, so I was managing a sales team. Harry and then Grace, who joined us pretty swiftly afterwards, would be at the Child Minders. So we dropped them off in the morning, work all day, do the little juggle thing, you're collecting tonight, no, I'm collecting tonight, no, you're collecting tonight. And then on a Saturday, I'd be out shooting a wedding. A Sunday, I'd be at a wedding show. And then I'd be editing Saturday, Sunday night, go back to work on the Monday. Now that...

wasn't an ideal way to live. That's not what I was aspiring to do, but I was willing to sacrifice that period of time because I knew what was the other side. I believed 100%, if I do this now, the other side is gonna be the good stuff, where I get to take my kids on cool trips around the world and we do the fun stuff then. We went a long time without holidays and trips and cool stuff and what have you, because we had, as a family, made the choice.

the money that we have spare, are investing in me growing a business because we believe this is possible and we did everything to make that a reality. And that's it. Like that's my business course 101. Totally. I visualized like, you think of a string or something, a timeline, right? I think about NLP, right? Timeline therapy, right? But let's imagine, right? Timeline, right? Of average, you know, 4 ,000 weeks, eight years old.

And these times that I'm having right now, and most people out there, it's just like a tiny, tiny little blip, right? It's nothing, isn't it? And just exactly what you said there, those sacrifices, those weekends, I've done that, know, those nights when you're doing calls and you're tired and you're burnt out and all that, you know, it's that thing we mentioned, don't be so attached to who you are in the present that you don't give your future version yourself a chance, right? Because you've got to that level. So, Faye, it was great. This is the thing about good conversations, right, with great people.

Never it goes the way you want it to plan right. But because I'm conscious of time, there were so many things I wanted to talk about and we haven't, know, your wonderful. Yeah. Just to interject, we can because my calls are 30. Right. Cool. OK, cool. Let's go for another like 10 minutes because I've got another call as well. need to plan for. But so many things, right? This is probably a lovely segue, right? To the question, which is this hard times, things that happen.

Ricky (: 40:57

running a business, the superstar, this wonderful thing that you've created, you know, with the wedding business club, the mall business you've got lives in focus. How they is running a business like climbing Kilimanjaro. God, it's much harder than you think it is until you're there. I would say, yeah, you know, you can look at pictures. should probably say for context, really, for anyone not knowing.

ened. Why you did it. Yes. In: 2022

We did eight days up, two days down. And we did it to raise money for our charity Lives in Focus. And just because, you know, we thought we'd treat the kids to a really nice relaxing holiday that year. And yeah, it was brilliant. It was really brilliant. honestly, I'm choosing to have my fondest memories. And when I think back on the trip,

I remind myself of all the amazing parts, but it wasn't without tough times. Harry got really sick with altitude sickness. And that really, really was hard to deal with because he's a kid and it's not nice. And you are constantly juggling that sort of, am I a bad parent? Which I think actually, Ricky, comes back to everything you were saying because...

I actually, I'm not sure it's like the fear of judgment. I think it's guilt actually that makes us feel this way. And I had moments which is like such an ironic, like you're on Africa's highest mountain, like in this highly privileged situation to be there. And I'm like, I feel like a bad mother. Your brain falls out. I feel like a bad mom bringing the kids here when actually.

Ricky (: 43:17

Like I am far from a bad mother taking my kids on a trip of a lifetime that will teach them invaluable life lessons that will prepare them for so many things in life. And I don't mind bigging myself up about that because I think what they are left with is the attitude that they can do really tough things. Yeah, totally. You're so right. Just echoing, isn't it? Again, what we're talking about. My great friend, Bev Holden, she has this lovely thing.

She came on the podcast and she talked about the only rules that exist are the ones that we create ourselves. Yeah, it's the same thing. Is it right? We you could choose to say, no, I'm not a good mom. You know, I shouldn't be doing this. They should be in school or should be doing this thing. But actually, who creates those rules? Right. Who who who puts me says herself, right? So actually, the benefits of them and the inspirational things that they can go off and do and the I mean, there'll be so many things I

Not on the grand scale as can I drive it? I climb Machu Picchu, which was like a four day trek. So slightly smaller, slightly smaller. But that wonderful four days for the skills and the belonging. You we had people from Australia, Canada, Europe, America, England. It was just me and my wife from England. But what an amazing experience that if I'd have just sat on a beach or sat at home would not have created the wonderful stories, lessons.

Belonging, you know, so I totally yeah, I doff me cap off right to you, Faye, because I think that's absolutely wonderful thing. I tell us about this experience because sorry. No, sorry. I was just gonna say I think that's something we normalized as a family really early on was. But why shouldn't we do that thing? Or like says who? We say that a lot. can't do that says who? Who is it the police that say we can't do it like?

We're not gonna actually break the law, but like who says you can't do something? We had previously climbed Snowden. So Grace was six when we climbed Snowden. And I know lots of kids have climbed Snowden, but she was little. And on the way up, people were like, wow, how old are you? Like, that's amazing. And she would not accept any help on the way up. I think she would have if she really needed it, but she was like, no, I am doing this on my own.

Ricky (: 45:42

And she was so hardline on that. no, Phil kept saying, do you want daddy to carry you for a little bit? No, I'm gonna do this on my own. And she did it on her own. she has never forgotten that. She was the youngest person on Killer Man Jaro when we were there. She doesn't forget that. She doesn't forget that. And Harry, bless him, through all of the... I mean, if anyone's...

actually interested. We made a documentary it's on YouTube so you can just Google YouTube. We'll put a link in the show notes for that. And he went through absolute hell and he was not going back. There was just like every every part of his body would have wanted to go back. He was so poorly. But he said you know I kept imagining the picture at the top.

Like you don't do it for the picture of the top, but you also do do it for the picture of the top. I knew how I'd feel when I got there. I knew it was going to be amazing and it was, and we did it. like, no, and in the documentary, Grace says, like, nobody can take that away from us ever. And it's so true. And I get messages all the time. I got messages when we, when we took Grace to Snowdon, but my kids couldn't do that. And I'm like, yes, they could.

We are all capable of doing all of these things. It's choosing to believe that you are no different than the next person. I get messages about Kilimanjaro, like we couldn't do that. And I'm like, yes, you could. I don't believe we have some Yeah, who's telling you, you can't do that. It's just you, right? We just said yes. We just said, all right then. Yeah. And that's the only difference. And I can tell you, I was terrified. I didn't sort of stride in with absolute confidence.

I was petrified of doing that, but I would not change it for a second. Absolutely. Here's an interesting thing then. So many things to pick there, right? I love that phrase. I knew how I'd feel when I got there. It's something that we should all be saying, isn't it? Whatever aspirations we're after, goals, you know, for any business owners out there listening or the WBC listening, you whatever they're going, that constant visualisation of feeling of how you're to feel once you get to that goal. I mean, that's what we're...

Ricky (: 48:02

which trying for I love that. And I love that says who great words, right? Two words says who love that. I think I might even print that out and stick that on the front of my door. So every time I leave the house says who love that good. Great face. So I know I've watched the documentary. It's fantastic. We'll put a link in the show notes really emotional because obviously now as a parent as well you feel that but also that sense of adventure courage the wonderful thing that you're doing for raising money as well. And I know there's some real tough times up there and some some real low points. So

From the low points, so what lessons did you learn from the lowest point of, and I don't mean lowest point of hiking, no, when it was really tough. was your lesson that you learned? Yeah, sickness. What was the lesson you learned from your lowest point, climbing up there? I think a couple of things. When you feel low emotionally and physically, that is when you are most susceptible to believing things that you don't believe are true.

So there's a bit on summit night, which to be honest was hell on earth at the time. And there's this bit where I'm crying on camera. And at that stage, I felt like the whole world was gonna judge me for going on this trip. because I still had a thing in my head, we're gonna have to take Harry back and then we're gonna have to go home and say to everybody who sponsored us,

like so generously, I'm really sorry we didn't make it. And then I would have to open myself up to the feedback of, it was a silly idea anyway. And I didn't once think that until summit night when things got really hard, like every bloody muscle in your whole body hurts, your head hurts, your heart is like hurting, your feet hurt. I lost four toenails, like I'm in a state. And it was then that I...

I'd obviously like open the floodgates for starting to believe things that weren't true. And because I was conscious of that and because I've done a lot of mindset work, I could do something about it and I could be like, actually know that they're not my thoughts. They're not my thoughts. They might be my fears, but they're not my thoughts and I don't believe they're true. And so I could do something about like putting them back where they came from as such.

Ricky (: 50:30

So I think I can see when you are physically and mentally low, you are very susceptible to negativity. And on the flip side of that, I learned that when you think you have reached your limit, you are nowhere near. We are incredibly capable beings, physically, mentally, emotionally. We are, as far as we know, the most developed beings and we are

so much more capable than we give ourselves credit for. And it pains me actually to think that's like, I'm not saying everyone should go and climb Kili, like do it if it inspires you, like that's awesome, but I appreciate it's not for everyone. But like people are playing small and choosing to be like, no, but I couldn't do that. And it's utter.

rot, like it makes no sense because like you can do those things. I'm not saying you have to go and do crazy things like climb mountains or whatever, but you are capable as your beliefs will will let you be. And so why not change that? Like why not instead of, yeah, but I couldn't do that. Says who? So yeah, I those are the two things I learned. need get this. I think we need to get on a t -shirt says who? Yeah. Wow. So

Two things that popped into my mind there. I was like, I don't know if you saw, was like screwing on my desk. Where is that thing I've got? Two things. One is obviously one of my measures that I mentioned at the WBC, which is the Marianne Williamson quote, know, one of the saddest, one of the one of our greatest fears is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fears that we are powerful beyond measure is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be bold, brilliant, fabulous, talented, gorgeous? Actually, who are you not to be? You're playing small does not serve the world and

You mentioned about your thoughts there. This just this is weird. Now the world works right. This has been on my desk. Good friend of mine. NLP practitioner who taught me my NLP skills. Van der Waage. She sent me this postcard. There's a lovely little quote here from Frank Outlaw, which is what's your thoughts? They become words. What's your words? They become actions. What's your actions? They become habits. What's your habits? They become character. What's your character for it becomes your destiny. So true.

Ricky (: 52:46

And if you'd have let those thoughts at that time start dictating, then, yeah, you would have come down. So well done for you for powering through that. So, Fay, this has been absolutely incredible. There was so much stuff. I'm going to wrap up because I need to prepare for my meeting soon. But Fay, know, you are this constantly aspirational figure. I've watched your journey through the last four years. I remember when I first got in touch, you went, hey, I've been doing the tribe course with Stu.

McLaren, then your name popped up and my friend Harriet knows you. And I was like, yeah, go, you know, and obviously got in touch with you and all that. So to watch it grow and grow, I think it's is it 493 members now? The WBC? Yeah, north of that over 500. Yeah. Over 500. fantastic. So for any wedding business owners that's listening and wants to grow their business, we'll put a link in the show notes. Highly recommend what Faye does in the community. Faye, based on what we've talked about, I always leave a final question for the guests, which is what do you want?

our listeners to go away. Well, what do you want our listeners to go think and feel based on this story? I guess I would like to go away and think about that thing that they've been telling themselves wasn't possible, or who are they to imagine themselves doing that crazy thing. And just give it a bit more airtime if the message they are telling themselves or they're hearing from people around them is they're not

good enough, young enough, old enough, experienced enough, whatever enough. Just ask yourself, says who? And then you get to You listen to that person or that narrative or that stereotype and then go take some action because it all starts with saying yes. Yeah. Says yes. Says who? Yeah. Brilliant. Love that. Well, Faye, thank you so much. Thank you for coming on to the Unlocked podcast. If people want to connect with you, we'll obviously put some links in the show notes, but what's the best way for people to find you?

Instagram is my usual haunt. you can find me at Faye Cornhill, Faye with an E. Yeah, come and say hi, let me know. It's always nice. You you listen, you record podcasts and it's actually nice to hear people's feedback. So either way, if you love it or you hate it, send me a message. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you Faye. Thanks for coming on the Unlocked Podcast. Thank you.